Angry Teenagers: Understand them

Many parents feel confused and worried when their once easygoing teenager suddenly becomes rebellious and angry. In busy households where there’s little time to connect, this change can be even more troubling. They start to wonder if their child is feeling lonely or dealing with other hidden struggles of growing up. This is the story of a mother, deeply concerned by her teenage son's sudden anger and rebellious behavior, finds herself struggling to reconnect with him.

Antaru: sighs I’m really worried, Jia. My son, Aarav, has been so rebellious lately. It feels like I can’t predict when he’ll get angry. He’s our only child, and I just don’t understand what’s going on with him.

Psychologist: I hear you, Antaru. It’s tough when you feel like you’re losing touch with your child. Can you tell me more about what’s been happening at home?

Antaru: Well, it’s not just me; even his father and grandmother have noticed the change. We all have such tight schedules. Between work, household chores, and everything else, we hardly get any time together as a family. Aarav seems to be on his own most of the time, and I think that’s part of the problem.

Psychologist: It sounds like your family’s busy routine might be leaving Aarav feeling a bit isolated. At his age, it’s normal for teenagers to go through a lot of changes, both physically and emotionally. They start seeking independence, and sometimes that can come across as rebellious behavior, especially if they feel misunderstood or disconnected.

Antaru: But why is he so angry all the time? He was never like this before.

Psychologist: Teenagers often struggle to express their emotions, especially when they’re feeling overwhelmed. Anger is sometimes a way of expressing other feelings, like frustration, loneliness, or even fear. There could be many factors as well. 

• Hormonal Changes: Adolescents undergo significant hormonal changes that can impact their mood and behavior, often making them more irritable or emotionally volatile. 
• Peer Pressure: They might be dealing with social pressures from friends or classmates, which can cause stress or lead to behavioral changes.
• Academic Stress: The demands of schoolwork and the pressure to perform well can be overwhelming, contributing to frustration or anxiety. 
• Concerns About Identity and Future: Teenagers often grapple with questions about their identity, self-worth, and future, which can be confusing and stressful. 
• Desire for Independence: The natural urge to assert independence can lead to conflicts, especially if they feel their need for space or autonomy isn’t being respected by family members. 
• Misunderstandings: Even small misunderstandings at home can escalate if not addressed early, leading to feelings of resentment or isolation.

But given what you’ve shared, it’s possible that Aarav is feeling lonely, despite being surrounded by family.

Antaru (nodding): That makes sense. But how do I help him? I don’t want him to feel this way.

Psychologist: There are several ways you can improve communication and strengthen your bond with Aarav during this critical time: 

• Create Quality Time: Even if it’s just a few minutes each day, try to spend some one-on-one time with Aarav doing something he enjoys. This could be a shared hobby or simply talking about his day. 
• Be an Active Listener: When Aarav talks, listen without interrupting or immediately giving advice. Sometimes, just knowing someone is really listening makes a big difference. 
• Stay Calm During Conflicts: If he gets angry, try to stay calm. Acknowledge his feelings and give him space to cool down before having a constructive conversation about the issue. 
• Open Up About Your Own Feelings: Share your own experiences and emotions with Aarav. This can help him feel more comfortable opening up about what he’s going through. 
• Encourage His Interests: Support his hobbies or interests, even if they’re different from your own. This shows that you respect his growing independence.

Antaru: Those are great suggestions. I’ll definitely try them. But do you think that will be enough?

Psychologist: It’s a good start, but it might also be helpful for Aarav to talk to someone neutral, like me. I can help him work through his feelings and give him strategies to manage his emotions better. If possible, I’d recommend bringing him in for a session. It might give us both a clearer picture of what’s going on and how we can best support him.

Antaru: I’ll talk to him and see if he’s open to it. Thank you so much for your guidance. I feel a bit more hopeful now.

Psychologist: You’re welcome, Antaru. Remember, this is a challenging phase, but with patience and understanding, you can help Aarav navigate it successfully. We’ll work through this together.