Her home was a typical household where her husband, her six-year-old child, and her mother-in-law lived. Her mother-in-law took care of the home and her son throughout the day, managing the house with care and dedication. Despite this support, Antaru often found herself overwhelmed and discontented. She frequently complained about her fate, her demanding boss, her uncooperative colleagues, and the constant juggling of responsibilities at home.
Every day on the train, Antaru would complain to her friends about her problems. One evening, her friend Meera listened carefully. She noticed a pattern and suggested that Antaru think about something called "Locus of Control." Curious but unsure, Antaru asked, "What does that mean?"
Meera explained, "Locus of control is a psychological concept that describes how people perceive the causes of their life events. People with an internal locus of control believe they can influence their outcomes through their own efforts. For example, if someone with an internal locus of control does well on a test, they might think it's because they studied hard. If they get a promotion at work, they believe it's because of their dedication and skill."
"On the other hand, people with an external locus of control think their lives are controlled by external factors like fate, luck, or other people. For instance, if someone with an external locus of control does well on a test, they might think it was just luck or that the test was easy. If they get a promotion, they might attribute it to being in the right place at the right time, rather than their own hard work."
She continued, "My daughter explained this to me when I felt just like you do now. I used to blame everyone and everything for my problems. For instance, if I was late to work, I'd blame traffic or the bus schedule instead of thinking about leaving earlier. If I argued with my husband, I'd blame him without thinking about how I could communicate better.
"But my daughter made me see that by focusing on what I can control, I could make things better. For instance, I started leaving home earlier to avoid traffic, and I worked on talking openly with my husband. This changed how I saw things and made me feel more peaceful because I felt more in control of my life."
Meera helped Antaru see that by shifting her focus from what she couldn't control to what she could, she might feel happier and less frustrated each day.
Antaru was thoughtful as she listened to Meera's story. That night, she lay in bed, thinking about their conversation. She decided to read more about the locus of control online, which helped her understand it better. She realized she had been blaming her problems on things she couldn't control, making her feel helpless and unhappy. Determined to change, she decided to focus on what she could control. She planned to take responsibility for her actions, communicate better, show more gratitude, and take care of herself.
The next morning, Antaru woke up with a new sense of purpose. She identified several changes she wanted to bring to her behavior:
1. Taking Responsibility: Instead of blaming her boss for stress at work, she would manage her time better and set clearer boundaries.
2. Positive Communication: She aimed to talk more positively with her colleagues and solve problems constructively, not just complain.
3. Gratitude and Appreciation: Antaru wanted to thank her mother-in-law more for her help at home, knowing it would make their bond stronger.
4. Self-Care: She realized she needed breaks during the day to relax and recharge, so she planned to take short breaks.
5. Focus on Effort: Antaru decided to focus on doing her best in her work and at home, rather than just worrying about the results.
The journey of self-discovery had just begun, and Antaru was determined to create a happier and more fulfilling life for herself.
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