Core Values In Couple Relationships

Sometimes, relationships face disturbances due to misunderstandings or unmet expectations. These issues often arise when people hold different values, like one prioritizing independence while the other values closeness. By identifying and respecting each other's core beliefs, couples can find common ground and reduce conflict. Open communication about values allows both partners to understand what truly matters to each other. This helps strengthen the bond and avoids future disturbances caused by value differences. Let’s explore this with an example.

Scene 1: Antaru’s Doubts

Antaru and her best friend, Meera, sit in a cozy café.

Antaru: (sighing) “I don’t know, Meera. Everything seems fine with Rahul. He’s sweet, caring, and hardworking. But… something feels off.”

Meera: “Off? Like what?”

Antaru: “I can’t explain it. We argue about small things—like how we spend weekends or even bigger decisions like saving money. It’s not just disagreements. I feel like we’re… on different pages.”

Meera: “That doesn’t sound small. Maybe you should talk to someone who can help, like a counselor?”

Scene 2: At the Counselor’s Office

Antaru sits nervously in the counselor’s room.

Counselor: “Hi Antaru, I’m glad you’re here. Tell me, what’s been troubling you?”

Antaru: “It’s about my boyfriend, Rahul. He’s a great guy, but lately, I feel like we’re always clashing. It’s making me doubt our relationship, and I can’t figure out why.”

Counselor: “Alright, let’s explore this together. Can you give me an example of your recent arguments?”

Antaru: “Sure. Rahul wants to save aggressively for the future, but I think we should enjoy the present too. Last week, he got upset when I suggested a vacation. Another time, I felt he wasn’t supportive of my decision to volunteer on weekends.”

Counselor: (nodding) It seems like there might be underlying differences in how you both approach life and priorities. Let’s talk about values. Do you know what values are?”

Antaru: (hesitating) “Sort of? I think values are like principles we live by?”

Counselor: “Exactly. Values are the core beliefs that guide our choices and behavior. For example, someone might value freedom, while another values stability. They’re neither right nor wrong, just different.”

Scene 3: Discovering Differences in Values

Counselor: “Let’s dig deeper. What do you value most in life, Antaru?”

Antaru: (thinking) “I value experiences—traveling, meeting new people, trying new things. I also value relationships and giving back to the community.”

Counselor: “Great. Now, what do you think Rahul values?”

Antaru: “Hmm… Rahul values security and planning for the future. He’s very disciplined about work and money.”

Counselor: (smiling) “See the difference? You value spontaneity and connection, while Rahul values stability and structure. These are your guiding principles, and they’re clashing.”

Antaru: (surprised) “I didn’t realize that. Are values really this important?”

Counselor: “Yes, they are. Values shape how we see the world, make decisions, and connect with others. When two people’s values align, they feel more connected. When they differ significantly, it can create tension—just like you’re experiencing now.”

Scene 4: Negotiable and Non-Negotiable Values

Counselor: “Now, let’s talk about negotiable and non-negotiable values. Negotiable values are flexible—things you can compromise on, like hobbies or daily routines. Non-negotiable values are core beliefs you can’t give up without feeling like you’ve lost yourself. Can you identify any of your non-negotiable values?”

Antaru: “I think… living a life full of experiences and giving back are non-negotiable for me. I’d feel trapped without them.”

Counselor: “And for Rahul?”

Antaru: “Probably financial security and planning. He gets really stressed when things feel uncertain.”

Counselor: “That’s important to recognize. Some couples find ways to balance their values, but others realize their differences are too significant to bridge.”

Scene 5: Making a Decision

Antaru: “I see now why we’ve been clashing. But what should I do? I don’t want to lose who I am, and I don’t want Rahul to feel pressured to change either.”

Counselor: “The key is open communication, Antaru. You can have a candid discussion with Rahul about where you can both be flexible. For example, you might agree to a balance—saving as he values, while also making room for your love of travel. It’s about finding common ground without compromising your core values.”

Antaru: (after a pause) “I think Rahul and I are really different, but I don’t want to give up on us. He’s not a bad person; he’s caring and kind. I want to work through this.”

Counselor: “That’s a positive approach. Relationships grow stronger when both people are willing to listen, adapt, and respect each other’s needs.”

Scene 6: Reflecting on a New Approach

Later, Antaru shares her thoughts with Meera.

Meera: “So, what did the counselor say?”

Antaru: “She helped me realize our differences come down to values. I’ve decided to talk to Rahul and share how I feel. I want to understand his perspective better too.”

Meera: “That sounds like a good plan. What will you say?”

Antaru: “I’ll explain my non-negotiables, like living a life full of experiences, and ask about his. Then we can find a middle ground—like planning trips while still saving for the future. We need to respect each other’s values to make this work.”

Meera: “That’s a mature approach. Balancing values isn’t easy, but if both of you are willing to try, it’s worth it.”

Antaru: (smiling) “Exactly. I care about him, and I want to give us a real chance. If we can align our values or compromise where needed, I think we’ll be stronger for it.”

Values shape our relationships and guide our decisions. They reflect what matters most to us and influence how we connect with others. Some values, like daily habits, can be adjusted, while core values, like personal beliefs, are non-negotiable. Balancing different values in a relationship requires open communication, respect, and compromise. When both people work together to honor each other’s priorities, relationships can grow stronger and more fulfilling.

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Insomnia: Sleeplessness in worried parents!

Antaru, a teacher by profession, had been struggling with sleepless nights for months. Even though he was tired, he couldn’t fall asleep because his mind was always full of worries. The lack of sleep was making him feel drained, affecting his work and his family life. Antaru had always been emotional, but this time, his insomnia felt overwhelming. Wanting to find a solution, he decided to go to therapy for help.

The Therapist’s Questions Uncovering the Root Cause

Therapist: "What brings you here today, Antaru?"

Antaru: "I haven't been able to sleep for months. I lie awake, my mind spinning with worries, and even when I do fall asleep, I wake up feeling anxious."

Therapist: "It sounds exhausting. What do you find yourself thinking about when you're trying to sleep?"

Antaru paused. He hadn't really thought about it before—his worries were so scattered. He took a deep breath.

Antaru: "It’s everything, really. Work, home, life... but mostly, it’s my son, Ravi. He’s 20 now, studying at university, but lately, he’s been hanging out with the wrong crowd. I’m scared he’ll lose focus on his future."

The therapist nodded, encouraging him to go on.

Therapist: "I see. Can you tell me more about why that worries you?"

Antaru: "I’m afraid that he’ll make decisions he can’t undo. His mother is worried too. She thinks he’s wasting his potential. But for me, it’s not just about his future success; it’s about his safety and well-being. I feel like I’m failing him as a father. I can’t control his choices, and it keeps me awake at night."

Understanding the Thought Patterns

Through their conversation, it became clear that Antaru’s insomnia wasn’t just about a lack of sleep—it was deeply connected to his thoughts and emotions about Ravi. His fears for his son's future, coupled with a sense of powerlessness, were feeding a cycle of worry that wouldn’t let his mind rest. The therapist gently explained that Antaru’s emotional nature made it harder to let go of these concerns.

Therapist: "It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of responsibility for your son’s choices. How do you think your thoughts about him are affecting your sleep?"

Antaru: "I guess… I keep thinking that if I could just find a way to fix everything, I would finally be able to relax. But I can’t."

Therapist: "Exactly. You’re putting so much pressure on yourself to control something that’s out of your hands. It’s no wonder your mind won’t let go at night."

This realization hit Antaru hard. He had been so focused on worrying that he hadn’t noticed how much it was affecting his sleep and overall well-being.

Five Techniques to Manage Worry and Improve Sleep

The therapist then offered some practical techniques for Antaru to work on, helping him shift his thought patterns and manage his insomnia.

1. Re-frame Your Thoughts

The therapist suggested that Antaru re-frame his negative thoughts about Ravi. Instead of thinking, "He’s making all the wrong choices and will never succeed," Antaru could try, "He’s figuring things out, and setbacks are part of learning." This shift in thinking would help ease his anxiety, allowing him to approach the situation with more patience and a clearer mind.

2. Focus on What You Can Control

Antaru needed to recognize that he couldn’t control Ravi’s every decision. However, he could control how he responded to the situation. The therapist encouraged him to focus on supporting his son emotionally and being there for him rather than trying to control his behavior. This shift in focus can ease the feeling of helplessness.

3. Set Boundaries for Worrying Time

A powerful tool the therapist introduced was the "worry window." Instead of letting his worries consume him day and night, Antaru was encouraged to set aside 15–20 minutes during the day to focus solely on his concerns. Outside of this time, if worries arose, he would remind himself that it wasn’t his "worry time" and try to redirect his thoughts. This could help him contain his anxiety and free up mental space for more positive thoughts, especially before bed.

4. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Mindfulness was another key tool. The therapist suggested that Antaru practice mindful breathing exercises or progressive muscle relaxation before bedtime. These techniques could help his body and mind slow down, creating a sense of calm that would make it easier to fall asleep.

5. Visualize Positive Outcomes

Lastly, instead of dwelling on worst-case scenarios, Antaru was encouraged to visualize positive outcomes for Ravi. He could picture his son learning from his mistakes, finding better friends, and succeeding in his studies. This would help break the cycle of negative thinking and create a more hopeful mindset, reducing his overall stress.

Shifting Parental Thinking Patterns

As parents, we often worry about our children's future and feel the need to control their choices, especially when they make decisions we don’t agree with. But it’s important to remember that our job isn’t to fix everything for them. Instead, we should guide and support them while letting them learn from their own experiences, even mistakes. By focusing on being there for them, rather than trying to control what they do, we can reduce our stress and help them grow into independent adults.

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Gaslighting: Is someone messing up with your mind?

Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you into questioning your own reality, memory, or feelings. It’s a form of emotional abuse where the person tries to make you feel confused and unsure of yourself. They might deny things you clearly remember, lie about what happened, or say you’re overreacting when you express emotions. Over time, this causes you to doubt your thoughts, decisions, and perceptions. For example, if you say, “You hurt my feelings,” they might respond, “You’re too sensitive,” or “That never happened.This makes you second-guess whether your feelings or memories are valid. 

Gaslighting can happen in romantic relationships, families, friendships, or even at work. The goal of gaslighting is often to control the other person by making them feel insecure or dependent. It’s harmful because it chips away at your self-confidence and can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional distress.

Self-Gaslighting

Self-gaslighting occurs when you unknowingly adopt the harmful behavior of invalidating your own feelings and experiences. This can manifest as doubting your own memories, blaming yourself for being too emotional, or constantly telling yourself that your feelings aren’t valid. Over time, it becomes an internal cycle where you discredit your own thoughts and emotions, leading to low self-esteem and self-doubt. You might downplay your pain, minimize your needs, or convince yourself that you’re overreacting, mirroring the harmful patterns gas-lighters impose.

Gaslighting by a Partner

Gaslighting can happen in any romantic relationship, whether between a husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, or any other couple. Here are some examples:

Denying Events: Imagine a girlfriend saying, "You said we’d go to dinner tonight," and her boyfriend responds, "I never said that. You’re imagining things." Over time, she might begin doubting her own memory, feeling confused about what actually happened. Similarly, a wife might confront her husband about a promise, only for him to say, "I never said that," causing her to question her recollection.

Blaming the Victim: A girlfriend might criticize her boyfriend’s efforts, and when he feels hurt, she says, "You’re being dramatic. It’s not a big deal." This makes him question his feelings, wondering if he’s overreacting. Similarly, a wife might mock her husband for forgetting something important, and when he expresses frustration, says, "You’re overreacting. I was joking." In both cases, the partners dismiss each other’s emotions, causing confusion and self-doubt.

Changing Stories: A partner might agree to something one day, then deny it later. For instance, a girlfriend might remind her boyfriend of an agreement, and he responds, "I never said that. You’re making things up." This tactic leaves the victim questioning their reality.

Gaslighting in Childhood

When children experience gaslighting, it can have a deep impact on their emotional development. A parent or caregiver who constantly dismisses or denies a child's feelings teaches the child to distrust their emotions. This can lead to low self-worth, anxiety, and an inability to express themselves freely. As these children grow up, they might struggle with relationships or may even repeat gaslighting behaviors themselves without realizing it. These gaslighting tactics can severely damage a person’s mental and emotional well-being, leaving them feeling confused, insecure, and emotionally drained.

The Bad Effects of Gaslighting

The effects of gaslighting, whether external or self-inflicted, can be long-lasting and harmful. People who face gaslighting may:

1. Lose Confidence: Constantly being told they’re wrong or doubting themselves can lead victims to develop low self-esteem and doubt their abilities and decisions.

2. Feel Isolated: Gas-lighters often instill a sense of distrust in others, leaving victims feeling alone and trapped. Self-gaslighting can also lead to isolation, as you invalidate your own experiences.

3. Mental Health Struggles: The ongoing doubt and confusion from gaslighting can result in anxiety, depression, and trauma, making it hard for victims to feel safe.

4. Difficulty Trusting: Those who have been gaslighted often struggle to trust others and may doubt their own perceptions and instincts.

5. Self-Blame: Self-gaslighting often leads to blaming yourself for things that are not your fault, further weakening your emotional resilience.

How to Stay Away from Gaslighting

To avoid falling victim to external or self-gaslighting, it’s important to stay mindful of your emotions and experiences. Here are some tips:

1. Trust Your Instincts: If something feels off, don’t let anyone—or yourself—convince you that your feelings are wrong.

2. Keep Evidence: Keeping notes or messages can provide evidence when someone tries to deny or twist events in a gaslighting situation.

3. Seek Support: Talking to trusted friends or family can help validate your feelings and offer a reality check when you’re feeling uncertain.

4. Set Boundaries: Be clear about unacceptable behavior and set boundaries to protect yourself from repeated manipulation by toxic individuals.

5. Challenge Negative Self-Talk: If you notice yourself engaging in self-gaslighting, practice positive affirmations and remind yourself that your feelings are valid.

How to Overcome the Effects of Gaslighting

If you’ve experienced gaslighting, healing can take time, but it’s possible. Here are some steps to take:

1. Acknowledge the Abuse: Recognizing that you were gaslighted, either by someone else or by yourself, is essential for starting to trust your own reality again.

2. Rebuild Confidence: Celebrate small decisions and trust your instincts to gradually rebuild your confidence. Be mindful of self-critical thoughts and challenge them.

3. Therapy: Therapy can provide a safe space to work through emotional damage and regain your confidence.

4. Positive Support: Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people can help restore your sense of self-worth, especially when dealing with self-gaslighting tendencies.

Signs of Gaslighting

Gaslighting can be subtle and difficult to recognize, but there are several key signs to look for. If you notice any of these behaviors in a relationship—or within yourself—it could be a sign of gaslighting:

1. Are they lying blatantly, even when confronted with evidence? Do they deny facts or statements, even when you know they’re lying and have proof to back it up?

2. Do they blame you for their own behavior? When they do something wrong, do they shift the blame to you by saying, "If you weren’t so difficult, I wouldn’t have done that"?

3. Are they making you doubt your sanity? Do you find yourself thinking, "Maybe I’m imagining things," or questioning whether you’re losing touch with reality because of their constant denial?

4. Do they minimize your feelings? Do they frequently say things like, "You’re too sensitive," or "You’re overreacting," when you express your emotions?

5. Are they undermining your confidence? Do they make subtle comments that damage your self-esteem, like saying, "No one else would want you," or implying that you’re not smart enough?

6. Is their behavior inconsistent? Do they switch between being kind and cruel, making it difficult for you to predict how they will act, leaving you confused?

7. Are they trying to isolate you from others? Do they discourage you from seeing friends or family, or claim that your loved ones are bad for you or don’t care about you?

8. Are they projecting their own behavior onto you? Do they accuse you of doing things that they are actually doing, such as lying, cheating, or being manipulative?

9. Do they deflect or change the subject when you confront them? When you try to address their hurtful behavior, do they avoid responsibility by changing the topic or accusing you of being negative?

10. Are they twisting the truth to make you look unreasonable? Do they take something you said or did and twist it to make you feel like you’re overreacting or being irrational?

11. Are they denying what you remember clearly? Do they often say things like, "That never happened," or "You’re remembering it wrong," even when you’re sure of your memory?

12. Are they making you apologize for having normal reactions? Do they often manipulate situations to make you feel guilty for being upset, forcing you to apologize even when your feelings are valid?

13. Are you doubting yourself frequently? Do you invalidate your own thoughts or question your feelings, telling yourself you’re overreacting or being too emotional? This could be self-gaslighting.

Seeking Help

If you are experiencing gaslighting behavior, either from someone else or yourself, prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being is essential. Gaslighting can lead to confusion, self-doubt, and feelings of isolation, undermining your sense of reality. Recognizing this manipulation is the first step toward reclaiming your life. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or mental health professionals who can validate your feelings and help you heal. Remember, seeking help is a courageous step, not a sign of weakness. You deserve to live free from emotional manipulation and fear. Take action today to break free from gaslighting and embrace a healthier, happier future.

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Rumination: The Repeated Thoughts

Antaru was a loving housewife living in a large joint family. Despite the busy schedule of her life, Antaru found herself feeling increasingly restless and overwhelmed. Recently, she had been noticing a change in herself. While performing her daily chores or even while spending time with family, her mind seemed to drift into endless loops of thinking. She couldn’t stop replaying certain situations in her head—conversations she had earlier in the day, or even things that happened months ago. These thoughts were mostly negative, and she would over analyze small interactions, wondering if she had said the wrong thing or if people were upset with her. Even though she was always surrounded by loved ones, she felt trapped in her own mind, unable to find peace.

This constant overthinking began to affect her everyday life. She found it difficult to concentrate on her tasks. Simple household chores that she had always managed easily now felt overwhelming. She’d lose track of what she was doing, start a task, and then leave it halfway because her mind was preoccupied with troubling thoughts. These thoughts would follow her wherever she went, making it hard to enjoy family time or even relax.

Worse still, she started experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety. Her heart would race for no apparent reason, and she often felt a sense of dread that she couldn’t explain. It was as if her worries were snowballing, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop them. This led to sleepless nights, where she would lie awake, replaying the events of the day over and over in her mind.

Concerned about his wife’s well-being, Antaru’s husband suggested she see a psychologist. Reluctant at first, Antaru agreed, hoping that someone could help her make sense of the constant mental chatter that seemed to take over her life.

At the place of psychologist , Antaru nervously explained what she had been going through. She described how she couldn’t stop thinking about small, insignificant events, how those thoughts spiraled into anxiety, and how she felt like she was losing control.

The psychologist listened carefully and then gently said, "Antaru, it sounds like you’re experiencing something called rumination. Rumination happens when your mind gets stuck on negative or stressful thoughts, and you can’t seem to let them go. It’s like replaying the same scene over and over in your head without finding any resolution."

Antaru felt a wave of relief hearing a name for what she was experiencing, but it also made her nervous. "Is this serious?" she asked. "I just want to stop feeling this way."

The psychologist smiled reassuringly. "It can feel very overwhelming, but the good news is that we can work through it. First, let’s talk about why rumination happens and how it affects your mental and physical health."

The psychologist explained that rumination often happens when unresolved emotions or stress trigger repetitive, negative thinking. It’s a way the brain tries to make sense of situations but gets stuck in a cycle. Factors like perfectionism, past trauma, or ongoing stress can increase the likelihood of rumination, as the mind keeps revisiting problems without finding solutions. It can be harmful when it becomes excessive. It can increase stress and lead to more serious mental health issues like anxiety or depression. 

Antaru nodded, recognizing these symptoms in herself. "Yes, that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. But how can I stop my mind from going in circles like this?"

The psychologist explained that one of the best ways to break the cycle of rumination is through distraction and thought replacement. "It’s important to give your mind something positive to focus on. This takes practice, but with time, you can train your brain to shift its focus away from those repetitive, negative thoughts."

The psychologist suggested five ways to distract herself when she found her mind beginning to spiral:

1. Physical Activity:

"Exercise is one of the best ways to distract your mind. Even something as simple as going for a brisk walk or doing yoga can help. When your body is active, it releases endorphins, which are natural mood boosters. Plus, focusing on your movements helps shift your attention away from overthinking."

2. Hobbies and Creative Outlets:

"Engaging in hobbies you enjoy, such as cooking, gardening, or painting, can be very effective. Creative activities not only keep your mind occupied but also provide a sense of accomplishment, which is a great way to counter negative thinking."

3. Social Interaction:

"Spending time with family or friends can help. Conversations or shared activities can pull you out of your own head. Even if you don’t talk about what’s bothering you, being around others can break the cycle of rumination."

4. Mindfulness Meditation:

"Mindfulness involves focusing on the present moment without judgment. Meditation or even just sitting quietly and paying attention to your breathing can calm your mind. It helps reduce the mental clutter and allows you to focus on what’s happening right now, rather than getting lost in worries about the past or future."

5. Listening to Music or Reading:

"Sometimes, simply listening to music or reading a good book can provide a quick escape from negative thoughts. Music can lift your mood, and reading can immerse you in a different world, giving your mind a break."

In addition to these distractions, the psychologist also emphasized the importance of replacing negative thoughts with more constructive ones. "When you catch yourself ruminating, try asking yourself if these thoughts are helpful. Often, they’re not. Replace them with positive or neutral thoughts, such as focusing on what you can control rather than what you can’t."

Antaru left the session feeling more hopeful. She realized that while rumination was a difficult habit to break, there were practical tools she could use to regain control of her thoughts. With the support of her family and the guidance of her psychologist, she was ready to start working toward a more peaceful mind.

In dealing with rumination, it's essential to understand that distractions can provide temporary relief, but they aren't a complete solution. Rumination often stems from unresolved emotions or stress, leading to repetitive, negative thinking. It's important to recognize the deeper causes—whether it's worry, guilt, or self-doubt—that trigger this mental loop. By identifying these thoughts and exploring their origins, we can begin to break the cycle. Replacing negative patterns with healthier perspectives allows for long-term healing, addressing not just the symptoms but the root causes, ultimately leading to better emotional and mental well-being.

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Hope For The Best!

Antaru wiped her hands on the kitchen towel and glanced at the clock. It had been a busy morning, filled with the usual hustle of getting her 9-year-old son ready for a competitive exam. Now, the exam was over, and he had just come home, excitedly sharing how it went. They had sat down together, reviewing the questions he remembered, talking about what he felt confident about and where he thought he might have made a mistake. When they were done, she smiled at him and said, “Let’s hope for the best.” With that, her son nodded, gave her a quick hug, and ran off to play.

As Antaru turned back to her household chores, her mind lingered on the word "hope." It was such a small word, but it held so much meaning. She wondered about how often she used that word in her daily life. "Hope" seemed to be a quiet companion, always there in the background, giving her strength in moments of uncertainty.

While she folded the laundry, she thought about the different times she had relied on hope. There were so many moments in life where things were out of her control—when her son was younger and had a high fever, or when her husband was waiting to hear back about a job interview. In those moments, hope had been like a soft light, something to hold onto when the outcome was unclear. It didn’t guarantee that things would turn out the way she wanted, but it gave her the patience and courage to keep going.

As she moved on to preparing dinner, Antaru considered how hope wasn’t just about waiting for good things to happen. It was also about finding the strength to face challenges, even when the path ahead seemed difficult. When her son struggled with a subject in school or when there were disagreements at home, hope helped her believe that things would get better. It was about believing in the possibility of improvement, of learning, and growing together as a family.

She realized that hope was also about trust—trust in herself, in her loved ones, and in the world around her. She trusted that she and her husband were doing their best to raise their son with good values, that they were teaching him to be kind, curious, and resilient. Even though the world could be unpredictable, hope allowed her to trust that things would work out, even if they didn’t happen exactly as planned.

As she stirred the pot on the stove, Antaru smiled to herself. Hope wasn’t just a word; it was a feeling, a mindset, a way of seeing the world. It was what made her believe that her son would learn from his experiences, whether he succeeded in the exam or not. It was what helped her stay positive when life threw challenges her way. Hope gave her the strength to keep moving forward, to keep dreaming and working towards a better future.

Finishing her chores, Antaru sat down with a cup of tea, feeling a sense of peace. She realized that hope wasn’t just something she said to her son to make him feel better; it was something she truly believed in. It was what had carried her through so many different stages of life, from being a young woman with dreams of her own, to becoming a mother who wanted the best for her child.

As she sipped her tea, Antaru thought about how hope wasn’t just about big things like exams or job interviews. It was also in the small, everyday moments—hoping for good weather, hoping to see a friend, hoping that dinner would turn out well. These little hopes added up, creating a sense of anticipation and positivity that made life brighter.

Hope was like a thread woven through the fabric of her life, connecting all the different parts of her journey. It was what helped her get up each morning with a sense of purpose, knowing that each day brought new possibilities. Even when things didn’t go as planned, hope helped her find the silver lining, to see setbacks as temporary and challenges as opportunities to learn and grow.

As her son came running back into the house, laughing and full of energy, Antaru looked at him and smiled. She felt a renewed sense of hope—not just for the exam results, but for everything that lay ahead for her family. She knew that whatever the future held, they would face it together, with hope in their hearts.

And so, as the day came to a close, Antaru felt grateful for the quiet strength that hope gave her. It was a reminder that life, with all its ups and downs, was still full of possibilities. Hope made the difficult moments more bearable and the happy moments even sweeter. It was what helped her keep going, no matter what.

In the end, Antaru knew that hope was more than just a word. It was a powerful force that made life richer and more meaningful. It gave her the confidence to face each day with optimism and the belief that, no matter what happened, everything would be okay. With that comforting thought, she finished her tea, feeling at peace with the world and ready for whatever tomorrow might bring.

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Angry Teenagers: Understand them

Many parents feel confused and worried when their once easygoing teenager suddenly becomes rebellious and angry. In busy households where there’s little time to connect, this change can be even more troubling. They start to wonder if their child is feeling lonely or dealing with other hidden struggles of growing up. This is the story of a mother, deeply concerned by her teenage son's sudden anger and rebellious behavior, finds herself struggling to reconnect with him.

Antaru: sighs I’m really worried, Jia. My son, Aarav, has been so rebellious lately. It feels like I can’t predict when he’ll get angry. He’s our only child, and I just don’t understand what’s going on with him.

Psychologist: I hear you, Antaru. It’s tough when you feel like you’re losing touch with your child. Can you tell me more about what’s been happening at home?

Antaru: Well, it’s not just me; even his father and grandmother have noticed the change. We all have such tight schedules. Between work, household chores, and everything else, we hardly get any time together as a family. Aarav seems to be on his own most of the time, and I think that’s part of the problem.

Psychologist: It sounds like your family’s busy routine might be leaving Aarav feeling a bit isolated. At his age, it’s normal for teenagers to go through a lot of changes, both physically and emotionally. They start seeking independence, and sometimes that can come across as rebellious behavior, especially if they feel misunderstood or disconnected.

Antaru: But why is he so angry all the time? He was never like this before.

Psychologist: Teenagers often struggle to express their emotions, especially when they’re feeling overwhelmed. Anger is sometimes a way of expressing other feelings, like frustration, loneliness, or even fear. There could be many factors as well. 

• Hormonal Changes: Adolescents undergo significant hormonal changes that can impact their mood and behavior, often making them more irritable or emotionally volatile. 
• Peer Pressure: They might be dealing with social pressures from friends or classmates, which can cause stress or lead to behavioral changes.
• Academic Stress: The demands of schoolwork and the pressure to perform well can be overwhelming, contributing to frustration or anxiety. 
• Concerns About Identity and Future: Teenagers often grapple with questions about their identity, self-worth, and future, which can be confusing and stressful. 
• Desire for Independence: The natural urge to assert independence can lead to conflicts, especially if they feel their need for space or autonomy isn’t being respected by family members. 
• Misunderstandings: Even small misunderstandings at home can escalate if not addressed early, leading to feelings of resentment or isolation.

But given what you’ve shared, it’s possible that Aarav is feeling lonely, despite being surrounded by family.

Antaru (nodding): That makes sense. But how do I help him? I don’t want him to feel this way.

Psychologist: There are several ways you can improve communication and strengthen your bond with Aarav during this critical time: 

• Create Quality Time: Even if it’s just a few minutes each day, try to spend some one-on-one time with Aarav doing something he enjoys. This could be a shared hobby or simply talking about his day. 
• Be an Active Listener: When Aarav talks, listen without interrupting or immediately giving advice. Sometimes, just knowing someone is really listening makes a big difference. 
• Stay Calm During Conflicts: If he gets angry, try to stay calm. Acknowledge his feelings and give him space to cool down before having a constructive conversation about the issue. 
• Open Up About Your Own Feelings: Share your own experiences and emotions with Aarav. This can help him feel more comfortable opening up about what he’s going through. 
• Encourage His Interests: Support his hobbies or interests, even if they’re different from your own. This shows that you respect his growing independence.

Antaru: Those are great suggestions. I’ll definitely try them. But do you think that will be enough?

Psychologist: It’s a good start, but it might also be helpful for Aarav to talk to someone neutral, like me. I can help him work through his feelings and give him strategies to manage his emotions better. If possible, I’d recommend bringing him in for a session. It might give us both a clearer picture of what’s going on and how we can best support him.

Antaru: I’ll talk to him and see if he’s open to it. Thank you so much for your guidance. I feel a bit more hopeful now.

Psychologist: You’re welcome, Antaru. Remember, this is a challenging phase, but with patience and understanding, you can help Aarav navigate it successfully. We’ll work through this together.

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'FOMO' to 'JOMO'

In our constantly connected world, many people struggle with FOMO, or the Fear of Missing Out. This feeling is driven by social media and the digital age, leaving us anxious, dissatisfied, and worried about what we might be missing. But there’s a way to escape this cycle. By embracing JOMO, or the Joy of Missing Out, we can regain our time, peace of mind, and happiness. This article will guide you through understanding FOMO and JOMO, why FOMO happens, and how to transition to JOMO for a more fulfilling life.

What is FOMO?

FOMO is the uncomfortable feeling that you’re missing out on something important whether it’s a party, a new trend, or an exciting event. It’s that moment of doubt when you see others having fun or achieving something on social media, and you start to question your own life choices.

Example 1: Social Media Scroll
Imagine you’re at home on a Friday night, scrolling through Instagram. You see your friends at a party, laughing and having fun. Suddenly, you feel uneasy. “Should I have gone out tonight? Am I missing out on something great?” This is a clear example of FOMO.

Example 2: Over-committing
Let’s say you’ve been invited to three different events on the same weekend—a friend’s birthday, a family gathering, and a colleague’s housewarming. Instead of picking one, you feel pressured to attend all three because you don’t want to miss out. You end up stressed and exhausted, without really enjoying any of them. This shows how FOMO can lead to over-committing and burnout.

FOMO often comes from the fear that by not participating, you’re missing something important or fun, and that others are having a better time than you. This feeling is closely tied to comparing yourself with others, which can lead to anxiety and low self-esteem.

What is JOMO?

JOMO, or the Joy of Missing Out, is the opposite of FOMO. It’s about finding happiness and satisfaction in the choices you make, without worrying about what others are doing. JOMO encourages you to embrace the moments you miss out on, understanding that you don’t need to be part of every event or experience to be happy.

Example 3: Choosing Solitude Over Social Events
Imagine the weekend with multiple invitations again. Instead of feeling pressured to go to all the events, JOMO encourages you to think about what you really want. Maybe you realize that what you need most is a quiet weekend at home. You decide to skip the parties and spend time reading a book or taking a long walk. By embracing JOMO, you choose what’s best for your well-being.

Example 4: Digital Detox
Consider your daily habit of checking social media. Instead of constantly scrolling, you decide to take a break—a digital detox. You turn off notifications and focus on activities that make you happy, like spending time with loved ones or enjoying a hobby. As you disconnect from social media, you start to feel more at peace with your own life. This is JOMO in action.

Why FOMO Occurs

FOMO happens for a few key reasons, often linked to our modern lifestyle: 

• Social Media Influence: Social media is one of the biggest causes of FOMO. We see others posting about their exciting lives, and it makes us feel like we’re missing out. This constant comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. 
• Desire for Social Validation: We often seek approval from others, and FOMO can be driven by the fear that we’re not living up to social expectations. We worry that if we’re not part of every event or trend, we’ll be seen as less successful or interesting. 
• Fear of Being Left Out: FOMO is also about the fear of exclusion—feeling like you’re not part of a group or missing a key experience that others are having. This fear can make us over-commit to activities that we don’t even enjoy, just to avoid feeling left out.

The Impact of FOMO

FOMO isn’t just an annoying feeling; it can have serious effects on your mental and emotional health. When you’re constantly worried about missing out, you’re not fully present in your own life. This distraction can make it hard to focus, leading to dissatisfaction with your own experiences. Over time, this can damage your overall happiness and well-being.

FOMO can also lead to poor decision-making. In an attempt to avoid missing out, you might take on too many activities, spend money you don’t have, or prioritize social events over self-care. This can result in stress, burnout, and a lack of true enjoyment in life.

The Impact of JOMO

JOMO has a positive impact on your life because it encourages you to slow down and appreciate the present moment. When you embrace JOMO, you’re choosing to focus on what really matters to you, rather than what others are doing. This shift in mindset can lead to greater peace of mind and happiness.

By embracing JOMO, you become more mindful of your choices. Instead of reacting to external pressures, you start making decisions based on your own needs and desires. This can lead to a more balanced, fulfilling life.

Embracing JOMO

Making the shift from FOMO to JOMO involves learning to appreciate your own life and choices. It’s about finding joy in the things that matter most to you, without the need to compare yourself to others or be part of every social event.

Start by identifying what truly brings you happiness. It might be spending time with loved ones, pursuing a hobby, or simply enjoying some quiet time alone. Focus on these activities and let go of the pressure to keep up with everyone else.

Benefits of JOMO

Transitioning from FOMO to JOMO offers several benefits: 

• Reduced Stress and Anxiety: By letting go of the need to keep up with others, you experience less stress. You’re no longer worried about what you’re missing out on because you’re focused on enjoying your own life. 
• Increased Focus and Productivity: Without the distractions of trying to be everywhere and do everything, you can concentrate more on your own goals and tasks. This leads to greater productivity and satisfaction. 
• Better Relationships: JOMO allows you to invest more time and energy into the relationships that matter most to you. You’re more present and engaged, which strengthens your connections with others. 
• Greater Happiness: Ultimately, JOMO leads to a deeper sense of happiness. By choosing experiences that align with your values and needs, rather than following the crowd, you create a life that’s truly fulfilling.

How to Transition from FOMO to JOMO?

Transitioning from FOMO to JOMO is a process that takes practice and intents. Here’s how to start: 

• Recognize Your FOMO Triggers: Identify what triggers your FOMO. Is it social media? Is it seeing others’ achievements or events you weren’t invited to? Understanding your triggers is the first step in addressing them. 
• Practice Mindful Decision-Making: Before committing to an event, activity, or even a purchase, ask yourself if it aligns with your values and needs. Are you doing it because you genuinely want to, or because you’re afraid of missing out? Choose what brings you joy and fulfillment. 
• Limit Social Media Use: social media is one of the biggest drivers of FOMO. Consider limiting your use, taking regular breaks, or even unfollowing accounts that make you feel inadequate or anxious. Use social media mindfully, focusing on connections that uplift and inspire you. 
• Self-Care: JOMO is about valuing your time and well-being. Make time for rest and self-care. Enjoy the quiet moments and the freedom to do what makes you happy, without external pressures. 
• Focus on What You’re Gaining: Instead of thinking about what you’re missing out on, focus on what you’re gaining by choosing JOMO. You’re gaining peace, time, and the ability to enjoy life on your own terms.

Conclusion: The Joy of Missing Out

Moving from FOMO to JOMO is a powerful way to find happiness and live a more balanced life. It’s about changing your focus from what you might be missing to what you can enjoy right now. By embracing JOMO, you’ll learn to appreciate the present moment, value your own choices, and feel more satisfied with your life.

Next time you start to feel FOMO, take a moment to pause. Ask yourself if this is something you really need, or if it’s just the fear of missing out. Then choose JOMO. Choose the joy that comes from knowing you’re making the best choices for yourself. In this choice, you’ll find true happiness and peace.

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